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How to write great vows

Without a doubt, ‘how do I write great vows?’ is one of the first questions my couples ask me when we catch up to design their ceremonies. Basically, you’re being expected to do something really important, that you’ve either never done before, or only done once (or twice!) before. Vow writing comes easy to old hands like celebrants because we see them every day. It’s a bit different for our couples though.

Firstly, there’s two things to think about:

1.  what will you be comfortable writing?

2.  what will you be comfortable saying?

These two questions will give you an idea of how long your vows should be. Public speaking terrifies most people (I’ll blog about ways to help with this later – I teach public speaking at uni, so I have some handy hints).

So, because I figure you’re not ‘old hands’ at writing vows, I always suggest to start with the Cheat’s Version – which is this:

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OMG! Celebrants are like rabbits – we’re everywhere

How, oh how will you find the most awesome celebrant?  Well, don’t get too stressed about it because I’m going to give you the key.

These are exciting times. You’re getting married – the dress needs to be perfect and suit your body type, your hair and makeup need to suit the dress. Your shoes need to match and be comfortable. You choose these things according to personal style and it should be the same with choosing your celebrant. But how should you start?

Step One

Firstly, as a couple, spend some time talking about what you want or don’t want in your ceremony.  For example, are you a formal or informal couple? Will you break down into peals of laughter if the Celebrant mentions the “twin flames” stuff? Would you like religion to play a part in your ceremony? Don’t think you have to – Civil Celebrants marry people according to law not religion.  Do you want to be married in a church, on a beach or a park?  Is your wedding small or does it include your top 400 friends?  What’s your budget? Write it all down – you’ve just started creating the template for your wedding.

Step Two

Once you’ve decided on the overall vibe of your ceremony, it will be much easier to choose a Celebrant to match. There are so many options out there and the process can be time-consuming. But a great place to start is by gender – do either of you have a preference for either a male or female celebrant? That’s a personal choice but it’s one of the first things you can use to filter out what you want versus what you don’t want.  Next, do you like the idea of an older, fatherly figure – or – do you want someone young and funky?

Now look at the celebrant’s advertising – if it’s serious and traditional, they’re more likely comfortable with that style of ceremony. As a generalisation, their advertising should reflect the preferred ceremony style of the celebrant. If you want light-hearted and fun, their advertising should reflect that. Hint: if they have doves or linked rings in their advertising they’re likely on the older side age wise.

You’ll notice a lot of celebrants advertise in a ‘run of the mill’ fashion – they’re middle of the road.  Ten years ago, I decided I’d be true to myself and  I started my advertising “Making Weddings Fun“.  Interestingly, I’ve noticed that in the last few years, every celebrant and their dog reckons they’re ‘fun’.   haha  prove it I say!  Look at their advertising, check their reviews and if you’re getting a good vibe then a meeting will sort that out.

Step three

How much are you willing to spend on the perfect celebrant? In 2023, pricing for a big white wedding (not an elopement or weekday wedding) goes something like this (again a generalisation and this is south east Queensland I’m talking about here):

Awesome, professional and usually the most popular celebrants charge $850+

Middle of the road celebrants charge $500 – $850

Newbie celebrants or the less popular celebrants charge up to $500

Now I want to make it clear that I’m not being disparaging here – I firmly believe in a free market and I don’t have a problem with celebrants charging whatever they want – just because you find someone that charges $250, doesn’t mean they’re a dud! There’s a few that charge over $1200 and that doesn’t mean they’re fabulous. If they’re the perfect fit for you, they won’t be a dud! 

Oh, and some celebrants drop their price for a weekday ceremony – I do, and I don’t see anything wrong with that – I’d rather earn something than nothing.  Some celebrant friends of mine don’t – its up to the individual and you’ll need to ask.

What I’m wanting to do here is to educate you and advise not to go by price alone. There’s a saying: A person who buys on price alone, is that man’s lawful prey. I’m not kidding here!  Don’t do it! 

Check out personality, background and style. Read their reviews the 5 star ones and the 1 star ones and look for patterns in the feedback. Do they have a strong network of celebrants to rely on if something happens to them and they can’t do your wedding?  Do they have a PA system?  Is their car reliable?  Do they have a contract?  Are they part of a Celebrant’s Association?  Do they have insurance? Are they registered? Do they have an ABN? Is their email @gmail or is it professional @lynettemaguire.com.au ? How far will they have to travel to get to your wedding?  What are their public speaking skills like?

So many questions, but it’s important to do your research to find your perfect celebrant.

Step four

By now, you’ve shortlisted three celebrants who you might like to interview.

I think that there is only one essential criteria in choosing your celebrant and  it’s pretty simple – you must ‘click’ with your Celebrant . If you don’t get on with them – don’t hire them. It may take a while but keep looking – the right Celebrant is out there.  Use your gut instinct – that’s what it’s there for.  In fact, use it to pick all your suppliers and to just live your life by – I swear it works. I use my gut instinct in the same way when they interview me – and I’ve instantly loved them, or gotten a bad vibe from them – so have knocked them back.

So, pick up the phone (or keyboard) and contact those three celebrants who fit your criteria –The first contact should allow you to get an initial sense of your compatibility. Ask questions like:

• What’s your style (formal, informal, spiritual, religious)?
• What’s your fee and what do you include for that? Is travel included?
• Is it okay if I write my own vows? And can you help me with them?
• Do you have some literature, (e.g brochure, fact sheet etc) you can send me?
• Do you have any referrals (past couples) that I could speak to?
(It should be noted that Privacy Laws preclude the Celebrant from giving out client information unless those clients have given their prior approval. However, with your approval, the Celebrant can give your information to the referral couple and they can contact you).

Also, ask how long they’ve been a celebrant – AND – more importantly, how many weddings they’ve conducted.  Some celebrants only do a few every year, so you might be impressed when they say they’ve been registered for 5 years, but they may have only done 15 weddings.  Don’t get me wrong, we all have to start somewhere – but you pay for the experience.  You want professional – you more than likely will have to pay for it.

Your celebrant is not a clairvoyant!  Tell them what you want, especially if it’s important to you!  For example, a lot of people say they are spiritual and ask for a ceremony which will reflect that spirituality – what is important here is their understanding of the word “spiritual”. I always ask the couple to clarify what they mean – some say religious, others are more the “angels and hand-fasting” ceremonies, whilst others have been more Pagan and I’ve conducted Wicca ceremonies – all under the tag ‘spiritual’. So try to have a clear idea of what you want and make sure that the celebrant has a clear understanding of your vision.

Be clear in what you want

Think “outside the square”, capture your personalities and use your hobbies and your humour to add a little bit of you into your ceremony. A great ceremony will reflect you both individually and as a couple and as long as the legal requirements are met during your ceremony, and your Celebrant is willing to be creative with you, you can have almost anything you want. Yes, anything.

Use your imagination! Have fun and if you’re stuck, ask your Celebrant for some ideas to get you going.

Good luck!  xx

Use this handy table as a guide of what to expect from one of my ceremonies. This may help you decide what type of ceremony you want. Then contact me for my current pricing.

CEREMONY	LEGAL PAPERWORK ENSURED	TIME ALLOWED	WHEN AND WHERE	HELP WITH VOWS	UNITY CEREMONY	GUESTS ALLOWED
Big white wedding 💒	Yes	20 minute ceremony – allow up to 45 minutes	Any day, time or location	Yes	Yes	No limit
Small wedding	Yes	15 minute ceremony – allow up to 30 minutes	Any day, time or location	Yes	Yes	Up to 20 guests
Elopement	Yes	10 minute ceremony – allow up to 15 minutes	Monday – Thursday – Bribie Island, Sunshine Coast only	Yes	Yes	Up to 10 guests
Coffee table (legals only wedding)	Yes	3 minute ceremony – allow 5 minutes	Monday – Thursday – Bribie Island, Sunshine Coast only	Yes	No	2 x witnesses
Renewal of Vows	No legal paperwork	10 minute ceremony – allow 20 minutes	Monday – Thursday – Bribie Island, Sunshine Coast only	Yes	Yes	No limit
Commitment Ceremony	No legal paperwork	20 minute ceremony – allow up to 45 minutes	Any day, time or location	Yes	Yes	No limit

Some notes

I arrive 30 minutes prior to your ceremony (with the exception of the coffee table wedding and the renewal of vows where I arrive 20 minutes prior). The other times mentioned are the times that you’d expect me to be leaving, and you’ll be organising your group photo or ordering your lunch. So, it’s just an idea of the maximum ‘time required’ guide for a stress free laid back time.

These details are a guide only – if you’re not sure – shoot me an email or a text – I’m one of the lowest maintenance celebrants (people) you could meet, so I’m super flexible.

Do I do more than one wedding a day? Yes, I sure do if there’s a nice spacing between them. There seems to be a ‘thing’ about this and some celebrants say they conduct only one wedding a day so they can ‘focus solely on you’ – I think this is ridiculous and probably shows a lack of admin skills. On my Weddings in a Box days, I marry up to 10 couples per day – What can I say, I’m organised. If you want me to ‘focus solely on you’ ALL day, it will probably set off my ‘bridezilla’ alarm and I’ll say no anyway lol.

Do I travel – yes … but … there’s a cost associated. Fly me somewhere – I’m cool with that.

Hope this helps!

I’ve had a spate of weddings lately that have just made me smile! I love my goth weddings, my Star Wars weddings and anything a bit out of the ordinary.

I’m talking a Harry Potter wedding at the Sunshine Castle, complete with Luna the owl delivering the rings; a Transformers’ wedding complete with awesome photoshopping; and a few super hero weddings (hmm me in lycra might be a problem – is there a middle aged size 12 super hero?)

RSVP – No, I’m not coming to your wedding

So, I was a bit saddened by a recent comment on a bridal Facebook page, something along the lines of ‘some of my guests aren’t coming because they don’t like my theme’ (goth/purple/black).

WTF? You’re kidding right?

Cookie cutter weddings are everywhere – anyone can have one of those – but to step outside the norm and embrace your personalities is the bombdiggity. If people don’t come to your wedding because of it, you don’t want them there in the first place! It’s a real field leveller. Celebrate our wedding our way or bugger off!

Simples!

Because, it’s actually not about the theme or the colour or what dress you wear – it’s about celebrating the bride and groom’s relationship in a way that is important to them. Yes, I know a lot of mothers sometimes interfere and bulldoze their way through the wedding planning but seriously, don’t let them. They’ve had their day, you should have yours.

Here’s ideas – these come from my real weddings

Think about what you both like to do – what defines you in your life and figure out a way to incorporate that into your wedding. If you’re not game enough to do a totally themed wedding – here’s some cool ideas from some of my weddings that might get your creative juices flowing:

Bride dogs
Bride horses
Bride snake (complete with a black tie)
Bride bearded dragon
Bridesmen and Groomsladies
Origami invitations
Bash a Piñata to get the rings (OMG! Funniest thing you’ve ever seen!)
Have the rings delivered in a remote control car, an eagle or an owl
Have a GoPro wedding

Or, Suspend your rings in jelly (yes, really!)
Have shots instead of the traditional champagne toast and start an anniversary tradition
Have your wedding in a theatre or at a football field or a zoo
Have a wedding where everyone sits in a circle – including the B&G and celebrant
Surprise weddings are awesome (surprise for the guests, not the couple, lol that’s illegal)
Spin the bottle to decide on witnesses
Hand out raffle tickets and draw two winners (witnesses)
Beach wedding – the bride wore a white bikini and veil, the groom wore white boardies and a top hat

So, if you have a niggling idea, give me a call or shoot me a message and we can chat through the pros and cons and work out the best way to make it happen. You’d be surprised at the sort of stuff and weird ideas I’ve made happen.

Check my availability

Okay, so first things first – shoot me an email or a give me a call or a text to see if I’m available for your date and time. If I’ve got another commitment on that day, I may ask you if you’re flexible with your start time.

I’ll email you back with some propaganda about what I do and why you should book me, along with my price. If you’re happy with everything, then you have two choices:

1. Set up a meeting (in person, phone or zoom) so we can chat and see if with click
2. Book me sight unseen – this is actually how most of my clients go – it’s all about gut instinct and most couples know straight away if I’m for them.

If you want to book, send me an email

Next, email me and tell me, “Lyn, we’d love you to be our celebrant” and I’ll email you back saying “yay.” I’ll include my booking form which I ask you to complete (the top half only) and then email it straight back so I can get you pencilled in. In my email to you, I’ll include my terms and conditions (they’re pretty standard in the industry, but if you have any questions then please ask)

I’ll also send through the booking fee details – remember that until the booking fee is paid, you’re not locked in – if another couple book your date or pay their booking fee before you, then the booking will be theirs.

Sorry! Basically, it’s snooze and you lose.

I’ll send through an email saying you’re booked in and I always suggest that you join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest blah blah blah … I’m better on some platforms than others (not enough hours in the day) – this way we can get to know each other so we’re not strangers on your wedding day.

Note: I will not ‘add’ you or send heaps of emails or messages because that will just make me ‘stalker celebrant’ – not cool! But you’re welcome to spam me as much as you like 🙂

Getting your legal stuff out of the way

Next on the ‘to do’ list is getting the pesky NoiM done – and to do this I’ll ask you to enter your details into my software and this generates all your legal paperwork – do it early and get it out of the way. I’ll also need to sight some original ID – usually drivers’ licences, birth certificates and divorce/death certificates if relevant and you can scan these through which is cool.

The ceremony design meeting

About 2-3 months prior to your wedding we catch up for a ceremony design meeting which is always loads of fun. I’ll bombard your inbox with examples of vows, some homework, and a heap of other stuff so you’re up to speed with ceremony stuff and you’re clued up for when we meet. The meeting can take between 1 to 1.5 hours depending on how decisive you are or how chatty we get lol.

I’ll teach you how to write kickarse vows. Truly! Kickarse 🙂 Even people who say they can’t write, end up proud of their vows 🙂 It’s not hard when you know how – and my job is to teach you.

If I don’t have all aspects of your ceremony (eg. vows, readings etc) by a week before your ceremony, I WILL start stalking you 🙂 I’ll send you a confirmation email a week before your wedding running through what we’d spoken about at the ceremony deign meeting and seeing if anything has changed (it’s usually cool if it has.)

Rehearsals

Rehearsals: Yep, they’re available, but I find most of my couples don’t particularly want them. If you’re having a huge bridal party, it’s probably best to have one. It’s more about where to stand, rehearsing with the music, etc than actually reading your ceremony, so you can do it all without me. Let me know if you’d like a rehearsal! If I an’t get to your venue when you want a rehearsal, you have the option of facetiming me in, or meeting me somewhere close to where I live for a rehearsal in a park.

You get married and have the best day of your life

Next you get married and have the best day of your life.

Applying for your Marriage Certificate

If you’d like me to lodge the Application for a Marriage Certificate into Births Deaths and Marriages for you, you’ll need to complete the form and give me back the original before your wedding (they won’t accept a scanned copy or photocopy). If I lodge it with your registration papers you won’t need to supply the ID they ask for (they trust I’ve done all that) – if you forget, then you can apply at any time but you’ll need to attach a certified copy of your driver’s licence and other ID (it’s all on the form).